You are bidding on great regular season baseball player Alex Rodriguez.
He is especially good agaisnt fine quality teams such as the Royals,
Devil Rays, Rangers and any game where you have a 9 run lead.
Now you may wonder why I listed him in the category of antiques.
That is a fair question. The answer is quite simple. The baseball from
his last playoff RBI is an antique. Casey Stengle has hit a playoff
homerun more recently that Arod.
Why is the price so low? After all that brain surgeon Tom Hicks gave
him 252 million dollars. That was several years ago and the market just
isnt what he used to be. I tried to trade him last week for some enron
stock but I was accused of price gouging.I have started the bidding at
1 cent because that is the lowest allowed ( I know it is excessive but
the United States stopped minting the half penny over one hundred years
ago.)
Now you may wonder what is Arod even good for these days? There are many things.
1.If you teach an EMS class Arod chokes all the time. Youll have tons of practice trying to revive him.
2.Arod is a perfect gentleman. He would never hit a woman. 2
days ago a woman walked up to him and kicked him in the balls, I asked
her why she wasnt worried about him hitting her back. She told me she
would never do that in April but had nothing to fear. Arod couldnt hit
her in October if he wanted to.
3.Build up your little leaguers confidence. If you have a child
is is strugggling with his pitching have Arod play on the opposing
little league team in the Championship game and your son/daughter will
have scouts all over him in no time.
4. Arod can be a politician. He said people don't like him
because hes biracial. He has a good point. Derek Jeter is biracial and
Yankee fans hate him.
5.Hes so soft he can replace your matress. Arod has no stones
whatsoever.Just when you think he couldnt get any worse he makes Kenny
Rogers look like Sandy Koufax. And Kenny Rogers is almost as old as
Sandy Koufax.
How will I ship Arod? Simple. I'll tell the Redsox that they
have a game against Arod's team right next to the winning bidders house
and theyll send him a limo like they always do.
What kind of payment do I accept? Pocket change!
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