Our first look at Clerks 2
November 10, 2005 at 11:59 pm
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November 11, 2005 at 03:56 pm
Dante got fat and he juped the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack!
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November 11, 2005 at 03:59 pm
Bahaha yeah, the Reservoir Dogs thing kind of had me confused. I meant to mention that but forgot.
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November 12, 2005 at 01:14 am
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Saints. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the United States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Saints go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to New Orleans!"
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November 12, 2005 at 06:47 am
Once again, Eluid displays copyrighted images. The proper authorities have been notified. And that lame ass attempt to hack my website by one of your niggers has failed miserably. The IP traced back to Eluid, so I have notified the FBI as well as retaining the services of a lawyer.
I was wating for you to fuck up. Thanks fucktards!!!
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November 12, 2005 at 08:35 am
Haha, you know, I was going to let it slide since I'm lazy, but it's come to my attention shortly after releasing documents on Mr. Bryant that it's indeed not Chad Bryant posting these messages. So without further adiou, I bring you "Chad Bryant", a.k.a. dink, the most pathetic troll in existance:
Name - Alexander A. Cain
Age - 28 years
Height - approx. 5 feet tall.
Graduated (surprisingly) - Griffin High school, Griffin, GA
His last known address (feel free to let his dad know how his money is being spent):
1426 Southworth Dr
Griffin, GA 30224-8916
Last known telephone number:
(770) 227-9890
Email address:
alexander_cain@yahoo.com
Arial photograph of last known residence:
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=1426+Southworth+Dr,+Griffin,+GA&spn=0.043252,0.095319&t=k&hl=en
An example of his (note the lack of a straight face..) exceptional HTML skills:
http://www.geocities.com/alexacain/
(real smart naming convention for your site, btw.)
This individual suffers from a miniscule penis and napoleonic complex to boot. First person to tip this guy's trailer and/or set it ablaze gets a free eluid t-shirt on me.
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November 12, 2005 at 08:36 am
Alex A. Cain, you as well, suck at the internet.
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November 12, 2005 at 12:39 pm
omg geoshitties? get a real host fag, I hear clear-data.com can hook your gimp ass up!
Deals so hot it'll make you wanna slap your grandma!
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November 12, 2005 at 01:06 pm
I'm sort of dreading Clerks 2. Kevin Smith is not the man he used to be as far as film goes. When you have something as great, low budget, and unpretentious as Clerks and you create a Hollywood sequel its bound to suck ass. I'll give him credit for Dogma even though he did have Damon/Affleck in it but thats as far as it goes. He's been off point for quite some time.
However, I'll gladly retract this if Clerks 2 turns out to be even half-way funny.
Also, the FBI shit is classic.
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November 12, 2005 at 02:04 pm
Hahaha wow; I think you picked the wrong people to make threats to Mr. Cain. Sp0ar is not a very forgiving individual.
Erin: Yeah, I sort of agree given that my favorite of his flicks were the cheapest ones to make. Chasing Amy for 250k and Clerks for 28k. They kind of went downhill as his budget increased but even he has admitted that Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back was just his chance to waste as much of the studios money as possible. Oh well, maybe we'll find some way to go into it with 0 expectations and end up pleased.
And man, this is like the 890th time we've been threatened with the FBI. It's funny but getting old. When the fuck are we going to start getting threats about Interpol and MI6?!
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November 12, 2005 at 03:58 pm
I dont think anyone here is new to the joys of being threatened with lawsuits over website content but cmon...the FBI? I'm not even sure we got any FBI threats to cam-mafia when Johnale was trolling around the circle. And clearly, if you can run a website that a proven pedo frequents and the FBI doesnt knock on your door then a site like Eluid is pretty safe.
This is probably because the FBI has much more important shit to deal with. Like say...raiding Neverland Ranch. Stuff like that.
And who the fuck is Chad Bryant?
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November 12, 2005 at 05:57 pm
http://www.flashearth.com/?lat=33.211345&lon=-84.252633&z=17.4&r=0&src=2
chad bryant is actualy mr. cain and he lives there ^^^^
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November 13, 2005 at 12:13 am
Do I need to step in with my whole "this is why your lawsuit will never work" post AGAIN jesus smurf, you need to attract original shit heads who actually come up with decent posts on how they're going to get the FBI to make a John Ale out of you.
Here I'll start...
OMFG my mommy and daddy work for the government and say that you're a bad little man posting all this material and referencing the original material it came from... they say free publicity is bad for business so I'm going to tell my big brother who works for the *insert random government agency here* about you and your dealings! You make me cry at night and because I'm so awesome you'll lose a court case which would cost an individual more money than the free publicity it was worth to actually win it! You suck at life so stop running a successful site which I am jealous of because mine is a crappy site on a free host because I can't afford to actually register a domain because I'm 12 and have no job. You *insert derogatory term about color of skin here* need to stop doing all of this!!
There, now all you little whiney bitches have a template for your shitty posts on how you will magically stick your head up your ass and change the face of this site k thnx
btw, much love man I'll be on irc sometime this year to see if your mom is pregnant with my love child ;p
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